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Four Secrets of Learning Masterful Conversation
We all learn to talk through active oral practice beginning in early childhood. Over the years, we learn to observe with our ears and eyes and experience through the facial expressions of the speakers around us. Virtually no one can learn to speak their native language and develop a basic vocabulary and conversational style until they are hearing impaired.
However, even if we learn to speak and interact in a language, we may not learn to speak it effectively. For example, if we conduct our learning experience in a hostile or competitive environment, we are likely to perceive the conversation as competition and behave accordingly.
It’s about COLLABORATION
Therefore, the first secret to learning how to speak fluently is to view it as a collaborative activity rather than a win-and-lose or individual competition. When we build this collaborative mental framework around the conversation, our attitudes and behaviors can and do change during the conversation.
Conversation is like a dance, taking turns, following and leading.
SPEND TIME WITH SUCCESSFUL SPEAKERS
The second secret to mastering conversation is this: To get better, you need to spend time around skilled speakers. Just as you need to play against better players to get better at tennis, the same applies to speaking practice.
However, if you don’t work with or live with great speakers, where do you find them?
WHERE TO FIND DICTIONARIES OF SKILLS?
The number of chat cafes is increasing
around North America. These are groups for learning and
practicing excellent skills at no cost. to find out if
cafe in your area, check it out [http://www.conversationcafes.org]. if so
If there is no cafe in your area yet, you can easily start one.
Generally, these drop-in groups meet for about 90 people a week
minutes of friendship and satisfying conversation. Also, check it out
for a “cousin” group, Socrates Cafe for deep discussion. Check it out
public seminars on interpersonal communication are also offered
by colleges and training companies.
CONVERSATION IS PROCESS SCIENCE
The third secret is that speaking skills is a process
knowledge’, not `cognitive knowledge’. Like riding a bike
or writing a note by hand, knowledge is in behavior. There
it has a certain “feeling”. Not knowing “this”. It’s about knowing HOW. So the many books written about conversation are of little help. Learning more effective ways of speaking – certain actions and expressions – is a bit like learning a foreign language. If we don’t practice verbal behaviors and only think about them, they won’t happen
it is possible to use it when we want to use it spontaneously.
Example: Many Japanese learn English as “book learning”.
for many years, they still cannot speak English
even the basic level. Why? lack of oral experience with
fluent native speakers.
CONFIDENCE FOLLOWS LEARNING NEW SKILLS
The fourth secret is a person’s emotional trust
usually follows but rarely precedes mastery. This
It applies to almost any activity: juggling 3 balls, a
sales letter, holiday turkey roast. We have to
behavior before real confidence comes.
A sense of awkwardness and self-consciousness
often accompanies our attempts to learn a new process
knowledge, and it is precisely what we are
observed by others. True trust usually is
the result of our repeated experiment to learn a
skill by pressing any awkwardness to the point
“I know I can do it because I’ve done it.”
Many people interpret their awkward feelings as meaning
they should avoid the activity because it is uncomfortable
and may even be risky or dangerous. This is common
is wrong and has the effect of preventing people from earning
skill. As with a tennis player who is only an opponent
Weak players, these conversers never advance on their own
skill level.
Some concerns come with new learning territory
or various social skills. If we do not accept this reality,
we will stay in our comfort zone and we won’t
switch to new behaviors.
In summary, good conversation is a collaborative dance.
not competition; we have to talk to him to learn well
fluent speakers; then we should practice, no
just think about how to speak; and finally, we must
push away the awkward feelings that accompany learning
new social skills.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Loren Eckroth ©2004
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