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Five Love Languages in Neuroscience
I know quite a few left-brained people; By this I mean that they think things through before using (knowledge) or accepting it. They want to know scientific facts, empirical studies, and even though some things have been tested for centuries, they still maintain a “wait and see” attitude. A few years ago, before I finished reading The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, I was already sharing it with people around me. Some of my friends who understand my usual enthusiasm for parenting techniques usually listen and try to get a copy of the book to learn more. Others remain skeptical until they experience it more.
Well, something good came out of that skepticism. It just occurred to me that there is a scientific explanation for the five love languages - from a neuroscience point of view. I found Margot Sunderland’s book What Every Parent Needs to Know to be an excellent source of scientific evidence. Child psychotherapist Sunderland is brilliant at presenting difficult slang for the common man. Another book that I think every parent should read. While it provides facts and lots of practical ways to parent with love, The Five Love Languages of Children gives you additional tools.
When your child fills their emotional tank (expressing love through primary love language, whether it’s physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or gifts), an increase in positive excitatory neurochemicals, mostly opioids, oxytocin and prolactin are activated in the brain. These hormones are powerful chemicals produced in the body and brain that make us feel good. Neuroscience researchers have found that when these hormones combine to become powerfully activated, these neurochemicals give us the deepest sense of calm and contentment.
When your child has lots of loving experiences early on, his brain is constantly flooded with oxytocin and opioids, making him feel very calm, safe, and warm. Besides providing him with the best environment to explore the world with curiosity and wonder, it also builds resilience to deal with pain and stressful times in life.
Scientists have found that an individual’s psychological strength is related to the strong activation of opioids in the brain; It simply means that if your child is constantly high on opioids, he will be less able to think and calm himself under stress, and be more socially confident, warm and friendly. He will respond to personal feedback by thinking about what was said instead of angrily shouting or leaving, and he will look for a solution to the conflict rather than blaming.
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